White hair chronicles LXVII - Acronyms pa rin!

The nostalgia brought by UPCAT and school acronyms lingers. I remember acronyms shared over inuman sessions then. As those drinking sessions were ever smoke-filled, drinkers thought of what the cigarette brands really mean. And here are the cheesy acronyms:

• CAMEL - Can A Man Ever Love?
• CHESTERFIELD - Come Home Every Saturday To Eat Ripe Fruit In Every Lonely Day
• HOPE - Hold Onto Prayer Everyday
• MARLBORO - Man Always Remembers Love Because of Romance Only

After a few bottles, the cheesy, romantic acronym discussions will turn to foreign places:

• BURMA - Between Us, Remember Me Always.
• CANADA - Cute And Naughty Action that Develops into Attraction
• CHINA - Come Here I Need Affection
• EGYPT - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
• FRANCE - Friendships Remain And Never Can End
• INDIA - I Nearly Died In Adoration.
• ITALY - I Trust And Love You
• JAPAN - Just Always Pray At Night
• HOLLAND - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies
• KENYA - Keep Everything Nice Yet Arousing
• KOREA - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity
• LIBYA - Love Is Beautiful, You Also
• RUSSIA - Romance Under the Sky & Stars is Intimate Always
• YEMEN - 'Yugyugan' Every Morning, Every Night

Of course, local spots are just acronyms, too:

• BALIWAG - Beauty And Love I Will Always Give
• CEBU - Change Everything But Us
• IMUS - I Miss U Sweetheart
• MALABON - May A Lasting Affair Be Ours Now
• MANILA - May All Nights Inspire Love Always
• PARANAQUE - Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstacy
• PASAY - Pretty And Sexy Are You
• PASIG - Please Always Say I'm Gorgeous
• TONDO - Tonight's Our Night Dearest One

And it will get hotter:

• PHILIPPINES - Pump Hard. I Love It! Please! Please! I Need Erotic Stimulation

A few more bottles and the talks will turn naughty. Here's a supposed coded message of OFWs returning home. The husband will just say PLDT in the voice tape. And it means:

• PLDT - P*ki Linis Dating T*ti

The joke continues - the wife in turn, will telegraph just one coded word, BPI, which means:

• BPI - Bilis, P*ki Inip

Then the discussions will focus on the print on the amber bottle.

• SAN MIGUEL PALE PILSEN BOTTLED BY - Sa Aming Nayon May Isang Gago Uminom, Eh Lasing. Pati Ako Lasing Eh, Pati Ikaw Lashing, So Eng Nangyari Bawat Order, Trouble Trouble Lashing Eh! Di Ba? Yahhh! 

Of course, the word acronym is just another acronym:

• ACRONYM - A Coded Reduction Of Names, Yielding Meanings

Just joking 4

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
POLICE: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
POLICE: "Di Namin Alam "

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Pacquiao: honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.
Jinky : lambing mo talaga. mwah !! nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita… ang dilim!!

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Sa isang mumurahing airline:
STEWARDESS: Sir, would you like some dinner?
PASSENGER: Ano ba ang mga choices?
STEWARDESS: 'Yes' or 'No' lang po

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Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk
Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Freddie: Meron... Manhid ka lang!

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HOST: Ano po ang maipaglilingkod ko sa inyo?
TANDA: Pwede ho bang manawagan?
HOST: Ilang taon na po kayo?
TANDA: 98 y/o na po ako.
HOST: Wow! Ang tanda nyo na pala! O, sige po... manawagan na kayo.
TANDA: Itay, umuwi na kayo! Hindi na nagagalit si Lolo sa inyo!

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you is!
you is!
you is!
-sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika..
Andito na Ako sa 'you is!'

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sa isang Birthday Party
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!!
                   Blue the Kick!!!!

Just Joking 3

Tawagin na lang natin syang si Super Isko!

"Isko" is a  Filipino nickname for Francisco.. 

A boy named Isko was very sad in his class.. 

The teacher asked, "Isko what is your problem?" 

Isko answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is. I think I should be in the third-grade too!" 

The teacher had enough. She took Isko to the principal's office. While Isko waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of the questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. 

Isko was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. 

Principal: "What is 3 x 3 ?" 
Isko: "9". 

Principal: "What is 6 x 6 ?" 
Isko: "36" 

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. 

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Isko can go to the third-grade." 

Teacher says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?" 

The principal and Isko both agreed. 

Teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of and that I have only two of? 
Isko: After a moment, " Legs." 

Teacher: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have? 
Isko: " Pockets " 

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Isko: Coconut 

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? 
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Isko was taking charge. 

Isko: Bubblegum 

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? 

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.... 
Isko: Shake hands 

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, Okay? 
Isko: Yep. 

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. 
Isko: Tent 

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.. 
The principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Jack Danielpeg. 
Isko: Wedding Ring 

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Isko: Nose 

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. 
Isko: Arrow 

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement? 
Isko: Firetruck 

Teacher: What starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand. 
Isko: Fork 

Teacher: What is it that all men have one. It's longer on some men, than others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married ? 
Isko: SURNAME 

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, and is responsible for making love ? 
Isko: HEART 

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Teacher: 

"Send this boy to Harvard University !! Even I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

Just joking 2

A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A SOFTWARE ENGINEER AND HIS WIFE.

Husband (Returning late from work): Good evening dear, I'm now logged in.
Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
Husband: Bad command or filename.
Wife: But I told you in the morning.
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife: What about my new TV?
Husband: Variable not found...
Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied...
Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers, or are you just being funny?
Husband: Too many parameters...
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife: You are a useless.
Husband: It's by Default.
Wife: What about your salary?
Husband: File in use...Try after some time.
Wife: What is my value in the family?
Husband: Unknown Virus.

Just joking

Woman and the 3 Wishes

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant You three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis who women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please continue reading.

PacMan joke

In the recent Pacman fight they chanted:

Crowd: PacMan! PacMan!
Krista: Pac Me! Pac Me!
Jinkee: Pac You! Pac You!

My recent awards ;)

Meanwhile, below are screencaps of the news telecast of my other award. In case you didn't catch it on TV, click on the photo or click here for a replay.