Before the end of the innocence

Remember when the days were long/ And rolled beneath a deep blue sky/ Didn't have a care in the world/ With mommy and daddy standing by/ When "happily ever after" fails/ And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales...
...Who knows how long this will last/ Now we've come so far, so fast/ But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us/ I need to remember this/ So baby give me just one kiss/ And let me take a long last look/ Before we say good bye...
...But this is the end/ This is the end of the innocence - Don Henley "The End of the Innocence"

I met with some of my elementary schoolmates still based in Manila for a few hours of banter over pichi-pichi, barbecue, and originally San Juan fare pancit from Aling Banang and Big Scoop ice cream. There was plenty of food to go around for the eight of us who made it to the feast. Some of us have not seen each one for over thirty years. This is catching up bigtime.

I had to give them something, a small token for finding time to meet a classmate who came all the way from the south. I knew copies of the latest scandals will be a good give-away. I was not wrong. It was well appreciated. We went online for a video chat with classmates now based overseas but we were only half-successful. Still we had a good chat with those sacrificed sleep just to stay with us.

We first knew each other when we were in the age of innocence. As I recall now, we did not even had romantic notions then. It was the age for fairy tales, the happily ever afters. After thirty-five years, not everyone has her happily ever after, but they live more happily even after. That is what matters.

Today we can talk without embarrassment about anything. And I mean anything and everything. Someone in the group said this would not be possible a few years ago. We are once again at an age when we can get away with most things. It's a big jump from our simple innocence then to the harsh cynicism today. Don Henley sang about the end of the innocence and one's need to go back, to take one last look, before we all say goodbye. I think that's the reason why we like these mini-reunions.

Dealing with the insecurely paranoid

An old friend is still having some problems with his supervisors. Based on his description of his bosses, I say that they are an insecure bunch bordering on paranoia. I surfed the web for cases similar to his and this is what I sent him:

This is from the CareerKnowHow website:

Few Things are More Destructive Than an Insecure Boss
by Ramon Greenwood
Few things are more destructive to a career than a boss who is insecure. Unfortunately, it is a near certainty that most people will encounter one or more such persons along the way.
"The actions of an insecure boss will eventually create an insecure organization, riddled with anxiety and indecision," says Ramon Greenwood, senior career counselor at Common Sense At Work.com. "People will spend more time looking over their shoulders than looking ahead. Good defenses become more important than effective offenses."
Seven Traits Of An Insecure Boss
You will know your boss is suffering from an insecurity complex when he or she is engaging in behavior highlighted by these seven such traits:
1. The boss insists on absolute control over everything in the department. He rules with an iron hand, refusing to delegate any real authority. He doesn't trust anyone. He has few allies. Those allies he does enlist are formed into a tight little clique strongly obligated to his authority and dependent on it. They live an uncertain life on a short leash.
2. The boss constantly interferes in the work of his staff. Second guesses are the order of the day.
3. He constantly defends his position. Every question or hint of criticism is treated as a challenge to his worth and authority. He doubts he has the respect of his associates. Those who exhibit a mind of their own are under constant attack.
4. The insecure boss is most often an absolute perfectionist. He will climb the wall when you make a mistake. But look out. When he fouls up, he will blame it on someone else. He has to be right every time.
5. He will resist making decisions. This means endless studies and return trips to the drawing boards.
6. He will frequently remind you who is boss.
7. He finds it next to impossible to laugh at himself, but he is quick to laugh at others.
Seven Actions You Can Take
There are no certain quick fixes, but there are seven steps that will help mitigate the situation and advance your own interests. Actually, insecure bosses can offer opportunities.
1. Be certain you are not contributing to your superior's low self-esteem. Do everything you can to reassure him of your respect for his position and your commitment to helping him do his job.
2. Shore him up at every opportunity. Learn where he feels most insecure--where his hot buttons are--and make a special effort to be
helpful in these areas.
3. When you have to challenge him, and surely you will from time to time, be certain to do it in a positive way. Don't question his authority. Never challenge or criticize the boss in the presence of others.
4. Never go around your insecure boss to deal directly with his boss without explicit approval. Make sure he realizes that you clearly understand the hierarchical relationships. You don't want to become an endangered species because you are seen as questioning his judgement and appealing to higher authorities.
5. Always be sure he gets more than his fair share of credit for your good work. Stay one step behind him when the limelight shines.
6. Find some of his good points and acknowledge them, publicly as well as privately. Remember, your boss may be a pain in the neck to work with, but surely he must have some redeeming features worthy of compliments.
7. Think of your own insecurities and what helps you deal with them. Apply what you learn from this analysis to dealing with your insecure boss.

Happy nostalgia

We experience nostalgia more as we age. Invariably, we long for our childhood memories and those who relocated have strong feelings of homesickness. Sometimes nostalgia is triggered by discontent by present situation. Nostalgia provides a sense of comfort for stressed-out adults. That is why folks today fondly remember martial law as if life was easier then. It just shows how bad life has turned under GMA. 

Sometimes nostalgia can be painful. Psychologists say that painful nostalgia can often be addressed by planning a visit to a childhood hometown. The power of knowing you can revisit parts of your past can help to lessen the pain. Feelings of nostalgia are normal and healthy, but making a conscious effort to live in the past is not.

My elementary school batchmates are planning a reunion, some 35+ years after we last saw each other. I am sure all of us are nostalgically happy, gauging by the posts in our e-group. We will not be living in the past. We just want to see each other again. Whatever childish problems or petty rivalries or healthy competition we had before in our youth, and later in life, should not get in the way of the chance of being happy again with each other's company.

Facebook simplifies relationships

My wife is new on Facebook. When she accepted my invite to FB, she immediately became an FB friend. But FB made an entry on my wall that "Perry and Josephine Hugo are now friends". Wtf? She's my wife. Before some flipped up friend thinks otherwise, I clicked on the Info tab->Edit Information->Relationship Status dropdown combobox, and chose married. I typed my wife's name on the box. Hmm, good, it filters my friends' names based on the characters I type. So I passed on Joel, then a Josephine (not her), then to Josephine Hugo. But before it accepts my wife's name, it says "We will notify Josephine Hugo, who will have to confirm that you are in a relationship."

Somehow I find this absurd so I decided to cancel the status update. But FB already has already posted on my wall that my "Perry went from being 'single' to 'married'". I checked that my married status, while still awaiting 'confirmation' from my wife, has stuck despite my cancel of the update. I, then, edited my personal info again. I 'canceled' my relationship with my wife. FB then posted another update on my wall - "Perry went from being 'married' to 'single'.". Hahaha. I just deleted the misleading wall updates.

I have friends who are in complicated relationships. They can benefit from such facility in real life. If FB can do that - change relationship status in a flash - then it is definitely the all-time best application. Imagine the possibilities.