Eraptions

It is again time for Eraptions, now that Erap has declared his intention to run again for the presidency.
==================================
Erap to Cardinal:  Hanggang ngayon galit pa ang simbahan sa akin.  This is unfair.
Cardinal:  Why did you say that?
Erap:  Mayroong Sabado de GLORIA, Sagrado de CORAZON, at Domingo de RAMOS.  Bakit ako wala??? Eh, I was also a President!
Cardinal (after a careful thought):  OK, from now on, yours is ASS Wednesday!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.'

Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?'

St. Peter: Hijo, parusa yan kay Gretchen.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'